You would think being in high school surrounded by other people trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives would be a great place to find creatives who share similar interests with a young blogger, but for me at least, I’ve had no such luck. I’ve been blogging for a little less than a year now, but I still haven’t found anyone within my school to talk to about it. I just recently started telling my friends about it; something I was scared to do. And unfortunately for me, it was received exactly how I imagined: they don’t really care.
It’s hard for me to sort my feelings out about this because I’m the kind of person who wants support my friends in all of their endeavors, but yet most of my friends don’t seem to feel the same way. I’m almost certain the lack of interest being shown on their part is unintentional, but it still hurts.
I waited so long to tell any of them about it. I had myself psyched out. I wasn’t sure how they would react. A couple of my friends had been following me on Instagram for several months, all on their own, and never once asked me about it. I honestly thought they didn’t even realize it was me, but it turns out that they did. They just weren’t interested in asking me about it.
I don’t expect them to read what I write on here, or even for them to understand why I love this so much, but I wish they would at least maybe pretend to care. I know that sounds like I have substantially low standards for my friendships, but it’s so much easier to build up confidence that you can achieve something when you have people supporting you. Even if they’re just pretending, I can feel at least a little better about it.
I want to have friends I can talk to about this, who understand why I enjoy the world of blogging, photography and interacting with others who put out creative content, but I don’t have any friends who are creatives. I blame this mostly on my own inability to start conversations with people, which I can then pass the blame onto my good friends introversion and social anxiety.
It’s my junior year of high school, most of my friends are starting to get real. I’ve been talking with them about their futures and the paths they need to take to reach these future careers in business, the medical field, and teaching. I don’t know anything about these things that they want to do with their lives, but I try to understand and be supportive. None of them can talk with me about how I’m considering incorporating my creative side into what I do for a living because they just don’t get it.
Because little do they know, I’m trying to figure out how to pave my own path to the future I want, just like they are. Although it’s a different path, it’s still a relevant one, at least to me.
Some of my friends I have been hesitant to tell about my blog because I know they wouldn’t even consider this an option. They would think I’m crazy, which most of the time, they already do. They think I underestimate my own potential, which they aren’t entirely wrong there, but I actually want to push myself to see where this could go. I still question and belittle myself about this every day, but I haven’t given up; I don’t plan to.
Even on the side, they wouldn’t think it worthwhile for me to do something that quite frankly, doesn’t guarantee a financially stable future. Funny isn’t it? That they think I doubt my own potential more than anyone, but yet they don’t think I should explore a career that really interests me. I am aware of the risks and I still think that I could somehow pull it off because I am willing to work at it. For me, insecurity is a two-way street: I doubt myself and I have people who doubt me too, which makes it even harder to focus on reaching my destination.
I’m now 17, have a small following on a blog that I manage myself, and have published over 40 posts on this site. I am lacking a lot of the confidence, experience, and connections that I will need if I want to consider making this a reality, but I’m willing to work my ass off to get to that point.
I wasn’t originally going to take any more photography classes, but I changed my mind and decided to pick up several art classes next year including some DSLR classes, which I currently know nothing about, and some visual design classes. Hopefully, maybe if I’m lucky, I will meet some people with similar interests.
For now, I’m doing just fine with the support of my family, who help me brainstorm ideas when I have a severe case of writer’s block, and the people who continue to read my posts, comment on them and keep up with my content on social media. Thank you to those people. Your support means the world to me. It’s not easy to put yourself out there. I’ve put enough of my thoughts and feelings on here, all in one place for people to see so they could scroll through them for hours if they pleased.
It feels so good to be putting things out there for people to see because I can explain things that I would never even attempt to in person. I can do something that I love, which is writing. I can perfect my voice and manipulate my tone all through words. I know this was all very sentimental, but you know that’s okay because I’m human. I’m pretty proud of what I’m doing here and I’m excited to expand what kind of content I share with you. I hope you’ll stick around to find out what’s next.
Thanks for stopping by,