Tag: self discovery

Personal Essays

Let’s Talk About Confidence . . .

by Katie1 Comment on Let’s Talk About Confidence . . .
Let’s Talk About Confidence . . .

A huge misconception I feel in this world is that confidence solely roots from self-image.

I am not someone who struggles with self-image. I know I’m not perfect, and it is stupid easy to get yourself stuck in a mindset where you need to compare yourself to everyone else, but I’ve learned you can’t put people on a pedestal. You have to realize that we’re all human beings and that each one of us is different and completely unique. Most importantly, once you know that, you have to look yourself straight in the face (I highly recommend a mirror) and say: “There is nothing wrong with that.”

I’ve learned there’s no reason to compare your life to theirs because we all grow, progress, and achieve whatever our individual definition of success is, at different times in our lives.

We all fear failure and rejection. It’s normal and it’s human. But it is also normal to experience both at a bare minimum of one time in our lives. And that is also okay because if we don’t fail there’s no way to learn and then grow.

For me, my fear of failure and rejection is too great. It sort of dominates my life. That’s why I have little to no confidence.

Sometimes I feel confident, but feeling confident and actually having confidence in yourself are two very different things. When I do feel confident, it’s only temporary. A spur of the moment kind of thing.

People who have confidence always, or at least most of the time, feel confident. Oh, and that applies to every aspect of their lives. Me saying “Oh yeah! I could do that!” is not something that happens very often.

In an alternate universe, without a doubt, I would be an extrovert. But I’m not, I’m an extroverted introvert. Once I’m comfortable, a whole new person comes out. She’s confident, she’s bubbly, she’s hilarious (I promise I’m not being snooty but I just make a lot of people laugh and it’s my favorite), and she’s a lot less scared of her own shadow, but if I’m being quite honest, she’s really just a lot less scared of the sound of her own voice.

I’m very comfortable at my job. Most of my coworkers don’t believe me when I tell them I’m the girl with her head down that zooms to her next class without speaking to a soul, and that doesn’t say hardly anything in any of her classes, just because that’s not who I am there. I am unrecognizable.

I like to think that my true personality is someone I like to call “Confident Katie,” which believe me I know how ridiculous that sounds, to categorize my two different sides, but stick with me here. I like to say that’s who I really am, but 9 times out of 10 this other version of me comes out instead. I don’t have a name for her because I’d like to say we aren’t properly acquainted.

All I know is that her thoughts are clouded by insecurity and whenever she feels “Confident Katie” start to emerge and do something crazy, and by crazy I mean something that would make her feel confident, she shuts that sh*t down REAL QUICK.

You can easily tell just by looking at me how little confidence I have. I don’t like to speak up because I fear I’ll say something wrong and it shows. It is also apparent in my posture. I slouch. My parents (lovingly) point it out frequently. I also carry myself in such a way, that it looks like I was recently trampled, which is in fact, a constant mood.

But when Confident Katie does emerge, MAN is she someone completely different. She walks with purpose, she holds her head a little higher, she laughs more, she is relaxed (at least in that moment), and she smiles so much that it makes you forget that this is actually the same girl who zooms to her next class and avoids eye contact with her peers at school.

Confidence is not something I have mastered. I’m not anywhere close to it. But it is someplace I want to be and I think I have an idea of how to get there. Sort of.

I aspire to have the confidence my mother has. She is proud, she has unwavering faith in her convictions, and she never apologizes for them.

My mother is not one to fear rejection or failure. She looks all her challenges square in the face and makes the best of it. She either kicks ass or gets up and moves on. That’s it.

She makes it seems like it should be so easy. “Just be confident! Have confidence in yourself!” Okay… but like what does that even mean??

I feel like there is a large weight sitting on my chest whenever I want to do something that I wouldn’t normally do. I think it’s some unknown force preventing me from exiting my comfort zone.

Would I ask a guy out on a date? Hell yeah, it’s 2019. Why wouldn’t I? Oh right, the same reason a lot of guys don’t ask girls out on dates. They don’t want to get rejected. It’s a totally normal and completely rational fear, TO AN EXTENT.

In saying that, you shouldn’t let that fear rule your life otherwise you’ll miss out on so many great opportunities. Hey there, I’m example A of that.

I’m trying to teach myself to live differently. To think differently.

One of my new favorite quotes sums it up perfectly:

“It’s risky. It’s scary. It could all fall apart. Yes. But what if it all falls together?” — The Better Man Project

So this year, I challenge you to reveal your confidence; to unleash your alternate confident persona. Do something that scares you. Not like horrifies you to a point of severe trauma, but just something spontaneous that you might overthink if you don’t do it like right now. You feel me?

If the outcome is good, you’ve learned that you are capable of more than you think. If the outcome is bad, then you’ve learned what you need to do to improve and how to move forward because that’s all life really is. A game of moving forward, regardless of what it decides to throw at you.

I know I will be doing my best to become the best, most happy, and most confident version of myself in 2019.

Let’s do this together. #LookSheCan

xoxo, Katie

Personal Essays

The Dream

by Katie1 Comment on The Dream
The Dream

“So, what is it that you want to do?”

This is a question I’m certain I will receive about 42 times this holiday season.

This question is a loaded question is disguised by its own simplicity.

It should be easy to say what it is that I want to do, at least according to most people’s definition anyway, which is college and a career.

However, I feel what I want to do doesn’t necessarily fit that definition.

What do I really want to do?

— I’d love to fill you in.

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I want to be a writer. I’m not 100% sure what I want to write so I want to try it all. Screenwriting, songwriting, journalism, maybe I’ll even try writing a book, and who knows what else.

I want to be a photographer. I want to test my abilities and improve my photography. I want to maybe even start a small photography business on the side, but only time will tell.

I want to be a content creator. I want to design and put my blood, sweat, and tears into projects that I’m proud of. Maybe I’ll achieve this by helping others find themselves and build brands they’re proud of, or maybe I’ll do this just by creating content of my own. I’m not sure yet, but I can’t wait to find out.

I want to be an influencer. What do I want to “influence?” I want to influence people to be better, to be good to people, ALL people, regardless of our differences. I want to influence people to be the very best they can be and to never quit striving for that. I want to influence people to dream bigger. I want to influence people to stand on their own two feet, to know they are loved, they matter, and that their voice is relevant.

All of these things I can technically achieve without a college degree, however, there are other things I aspire to do that might.

I want to learn more about photography. I’d love to take more photography classes to get a better understanding of how to use my camera. I loved photojournalism in high school so maybe I’ll take a class about it in college too.

I want to be bilingual. I want to be fluent in Spanish. I have taken it for the last four years in high school and I am nowhere near ready to quit learning.

I want to study abroad. I feel beyond privileged to travel to Spain this summer, but I would love to study there for a few weeks, maybe even a semester while in college. Or maybe I’ll even study in a different country entirely! Who knows what the future will hold.

This next one is a little cliche, but I feel it’s necessary to include because it is the whole-hearted truth:

Most importantly though, I want to be happy.

When it comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter what you do as long as it makes you happy, and I know for sure that I am the only one in the entire world who knows what can make me the happiest.

So to my loved ones,

If this crazy dream is a part of it (which hi there, it is), please please respect that, especially if you want me to be happy too.

To my readers,

It took me a while, almost 16 years of traveling around the sun, to find the things that I’m the most passionate about, but once I did, I knew that I had found what was going to fulfill me, give me purpose, and grant me the happiness I’ve told myself for so long I never deserved. I never stopped searching for my passions.

And I will always and forever encourage you to do the same.

xoxo, Katie

You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously. — Sophia Bush

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Personal Essays

Eighteen Lessons from Eighteen Years

by KatieLeave a Comment on Eighteen Lessons from Eighteen Years
Eighteen Lessons from Eighteen Years

E I G H T E E N

Today I am 18. This is my 18th year orbiting the sun on this lovely planet and I felt inspired to do this post after reading the ones by Hannah over on hannclaire.com.

18 is a birthday like no other. I’m in a city I’ve never been in before, without my family, or closest friends. I am entering adulthood completely surrounded by the unknown.

I am in the beautiful, windy city of Chicago with my fellow student journalists.

I would hope that after being on earth this long (Wow, I’m old) that I have learned a few things. I am the bus driver of the struggle bus, and so today I’m sharing a few of the many things I’ve learned from all the bumps in the road.

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An Eighteen Look

1 – If you are young and don’t like coffee now, there’s like a 98.9% by the time you get to high school and/or college you will simply because you won’t be able to function without it. Facts.

2- Be good to people, ALL people. I mean absolutely everyone. Regardless of the circumstances. Maybe they’re having a bad day, or maybe they just happen to enjoy being a crappy person, but no matter how hard it may be, be good to them. There need to be more people in this world choosing positivity instead of spreading negativity.

3 – On that note, I know it is something everyone is guilty of, including myself, but don’t talk sh*t. When you feel in the mood to rant to somebody about someone else, take a deep breath, and find something constructive to do with your time.

Be creative, read a book, paint a picture, or do I what I do: Sometimes, I open up a blank document and write about all the things I want to rant about. Once it’s done and I feel better getting it off my chest, I exit the page and don’t save it. Sometimes that is all it takes, no hurt feelings necessary.

4 – The things you say will come back to haunt you, so once again, be the better person and don’t spread the negative energy.

5 – Don’t ever underestimate the worth of your own happiness.

6 – Driving isn’t as scary as I thought it was. Now I can’t imagine myself being stranded somewhere because I couldn’t rely on myself as my own form of transportation. It seems so crazy to me that almost three months ago driving still scared me to death, but now I can’t imagine not wanting to drive. Conclusion: Just do it. You’ll be okay!!

7 – Even the closest friendships may need a little distance to grow stronger.

8 – People do change, however, it is up to them, and them alone, if it is for better or worse.

9 – Always be yourself. I know its cliche, but seriously, be confident in your own abilities, decisions, and actions.

10 – Always advocate for anyone and everyone who needs it. There is always something you can do to help.

11 – It’s okay to take time for yourself. This applies to absolutely anything and everything. If you feel selfish about it, you’re doing it right. If you feel like you’re being selfish for wanting to be alone, that shows how much you really need it. We all need a little time to reflect and grow in order to thrive, so don’t feel bad for taking care of yourself.

SELF-LOVE ISN’T SELFISH

12 – Unleash your inner Mama Bear. Don’t be afraid to stand up for the people you love. It may take some time for you to learn how to stand up for yourself, but when s

13 – Although you will do everything in your power not to admit it, your parents are right most of the time.

14 – You don’t always have to agree with others, but you do always have to show them respect because everyone has a right to their own opinion.

15 – Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. The most amazing things can happen when you do.

16 – “Live in such a way that if someone were to speak poorly of you, no one would believe it” is the greatest quote to live by.

17 – Once you find what you’re passionate about and makes you happiest, don’t stop pursuing it.

18 – Don’t ever, ever, EVER give up on your dreams. You can’t place a price tag on a dream. Dreams are more valuable than any tangible good you could

xoxo, Katie

 

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Life

Important Things to Know About High School (& Life)

by KatieLeave a Comment on Important Things to Know About High School (& Life)
Important Things to Know About High School (& Life)

I’m getting ready to go into my last year of high school this week (Eeek!), where the heck did summer go??

Anyway . . . Since I have three years of high school and almost eighteen years of life under my belt, I feel like I can offer some kind of insight into what’s important to know about your time there and what you can carry with you from then on, so today I’m here to share a few things I feel are important to know about high school and a few things that are super important to know for the future.

First of all, high school is only four years of your life. In the whole scheme of things, four years is really not a long period of time. You’ll get through it.

Believe me, I understand that high school isn’t amazing for everyone. I would say my first two years of high school were nowhere near what I expected them to be. Between losing almost all of my friends, finding some of those same people I once called friends to be bullying me, all while being continuously trapped underneath a never-ending pile of schoolwork, my first years of high school were a nightmare.

But I’ve made peace with it. I’ve grown so much. I made new friends, lost a few more, started writing this blog, found a new sense of direction, happiness, and gained perspective through my experiences, which may sound way too deep for high school, but seriously, what you go through in high school can change you.

Even if it all seems terrible, good things can come from it. Besides, four years will fly by so quickly (Even when it seems like an eternity). I promise you it will get better, sometimes it just happens later instead of sooner.

Perhaps the cheesiest advice I can give for both high school and life: Seriously, just be yourself. If you pretend to be someone you’re not, it’s a hard act to keep up. Besides, it’s more important that people get to know the real you.

I guarantee that you’ll be more likely to create lasting bonds with people when you’re genuinely yourself than if you pretend to be somebody else. You are amazing, and somebody out there is going to recognize that and want to hang around you. *Cue the George Michael hit* “You’ve just gotta have faith.”

I cannot emphasize this next one enough. It’s taken all three years of my high school career so far to figure this one out, but I’ll carry it with me for the rest of my life: You can’t compare yourself to others.

The easiest fix for this in school? Be proud of your own achievements and don’t worry about what others will think (Easier said than done, I know, but trust me). Feelin’ good about that test score? Great! It may not be as high as Nancy’s score, but hey, it’s none of her business so don’t let her think it is.

If you don’t want to tell anyone your test scores or GPA, then don’t. Don’t let the pressure of others wanting to know your score get to you. There’s maybe a small chance that you’ll feel better about yourself by comparing your scores to everyone else’s, but there’s also a chance that you’ll feel worse. Trust your gut and believe in your own abilities.

Believe me, there are some wicked smart kids out there so the pressure is there, but no one expects you to have a 4.0 or higher. If you have a 4.0, congrats! But if you don’t that’s okay too! No one should think any less of you for not being one of the above average students. If you’re trying your best, that’s all anyone can ask of you. You are enough.

This next one is more of a general life tip, especially when you’re getting ready to move on from high school: Their success doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Allow me to explain with an example.

Example: A girl at my school got the internship I was hoping for. Was I bummed? Absolutely. Did I compare myself to her? Yes, ma’am. I wanted to know what she had that I didn’t and how that affected which one of us got the internship. Guess what I found out? She’s been working her butt off since freshman year and was better qualified for the position.

For some reason, that made me feel pretty bad about myself. I felt like I wasn’t working hard enough, but then I realized that’s not how I should feel. I figured out that I needed to be happy for her and grateful that I still got an internship at all. It may not be the exact opportunity I was hoping for, but I will still gain important experience from it. Now I’m sooo happy, excited, and can’t wait to see where this takes me.

BOOM positivity. Here’s a very important lifehack: Positivity is the quickest fix for literally everything.

You have to think of life like this: Everyone has a different timeline.

Each timeline is full of trials, triumphs, and tribulations, but they come at different times for each person. So when it seems like you’re having the worst day ever and things just aren’t going your way in life, you can’t compare your life to the person who is having the best day ever because it doesn’t add up.

I can almost guarantee that at one point or another, the successful folks had struggles too and there was a time in their life where it seemed like opportunities were whisked away, their self-esteem plummeted, they felt like their hard work would never pay off, and things didn’t seem to get better until suddenly they did. 

I promise that you and I will get there too at some point, but for now, we’ve just got to stay positive, hope for the best, and put in the work. The best things in life probably won’t come easy, but all you’ve got to do is say “Challenge accepted.”

Okay so now I’m going to hop off my soapbox and hit you with another high school tip: Go out for clubs that interest you, even if you’re scared to do it alone. Your friends may not like every single thing that you do so you may have to step out of your comfort bubble to get involved, but seriously, you need to do it.

You’ll make new friends and meet new people who enjoy the same things you do, so don’t do what I did and wait until senior year to make those memories, seriously, get out there and do it. You got this!

If there are things you want to do, do them. Just know you’re going to have to work for them. If you want to achieve your goals, you have to hustle. If it’s really what you want then I promise you it will all be worth it in the end.

Last, but certainly not least, for high school and in every situation in your lifetime, be nice to people. Please, please, please just be nice to people. It’s such a simple thing to do. Kindness has the power to do unbelievable things and can completely turn around someone’s day.

In the world we live in today, kindness is the only option. Hatred is unwelcome here.

I believe in change. I believe that by choosing to compliment someone, hold open a door, or even simply have a nice conversation with someone can change the world. Most importantly, I believe that someday people will learn it is better to hold their tongue when they have nothing nice to say rather than to say something that can break someone else’s spirit. I believe that one day people won’t feel the need to do that anymore.

In life, in high school, and every single day, choose kindness. By being kind, there are endless possibilities to what we can achieve. Being negative only makes things worse.

Whether you’re heading back to high school this year or getting ready to turn the page to a new chapter of your life, you can do amazing things. I hope you have a spectacular year, full of happiness, growth, and achievements both large and small!

Thanks for stopping by,

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Personal Essays

This I Believe . . .

by KatieLeave a Comment on This I Believe . . .
This I Believe . . .

This year, as part of my final exam for my favorite class, I had to give a speech. This was not your typical speech, it was a personal speech about my personal beliefs. For my speech, I decided to talk a little about my blog. By a little, I mean I turned a 2-4 minute speech into an almost 7-minute long ordeal about my blog, why I write and who I am.

You all who read my blog regularly know that I have a lot to say. I don’t like to speak out loud, especially not in front of large groups, but knowing I got to write it all out beforehand made me feel at least a little better about it.

I am really proud of what I wrote and decided to say in front of my class, so I thought I would share it on here with you all. **Disclaimer, yes, it really is ridiculously long.

I have always been the quiet girl. I don’t like to speak up, and sometimes I feel like I don’t even know how. I have always had a hard time expressing how I feel to people. When I try to say it out loud I struggle to portray what I mean or my emotions take over and make it impossible to express what I mean. So I choose to just sit there and mull over my thoughts in my head until the moment for me to speak is long gone. The words in my head have always been louder than the ones I speak. Those words I can put on paper to create something powerful. I feel so much safer behind a laptop typing behind a screen or handwriting my thoughts on paper. Nobody can interrupt or immediately respond because there is some unknown force that compels people to finish what is written in its entirety. That’s really the beauty of writing. The merging of words, words you specifically choose, into a creation of your own, to express however you’re feeling, whatever your message is, in ways you can’t do with the words that roll off your tongue. It was this love for writing, along with my awkwardness and desire to create, that made me think creating my own blog was a good idea.

The scary thing about words is that you never know who will read them. When you’re looking at someone and having a conversation with them, you know whether or not they are hearing what you’re saying, but you really don’t know if it will be remembered or have an impact.

I have always loved writing because I am really bad with words in person. I find it extremely difficult to tell someone how I’m feeling or explain why I feel a certain way. It doesn’t translate to how I really feel, even if I’m using the right words, I’m tripping over them which makes it harder to understand. However, if you give me a piece of paper and a pen or you sit me behind a computer, I can spell it all out for you.

Sometimes I feel like writing is my superpower. The way I feel when I am able to express how I feel on paper when I haven’t been able to explain it to someone in person. When I come home from school and my mom asks,“What’s wrong?” sometimes I can’t answer her because I have yet to figure it out. I almost have to say, “Give me an hour, some time to write it out, and I’ll get back to you.” It’s funny to me the number of people who hate writing or really don’t enjoy it because for me it’s my only lifeline.

I have always loved words and writing. It has just been in the last few years I have been able to figure out that whatever I want to do, writing has to be a part of it. Part of me feels like my adoration for writing is caused in part by my personality and part by my environment.

I am shy: I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself, eye contact is a typically a challenge, and I am always questioning my own knowledge. This is why I like to think about what I’m going to say before I follow through with it and leave my mark. When I’m writing something out, I can take as long as I want and can have a million drafts before I decide:“Yes! That’s what I want to say. That’s my message.”

The environmental factor has to be my family. My sister, Emily, she is so special. She’s unique, she’s one of a kind, and I truly can’t put into words how amazing she really is. I was able to discover all these things about her without ever having a conversation with her. Emily can’t talk. I hate to phrase it that way because I firmly believe someday she will, but for now, and for the last seventeen years, my sister has not spoken a word.

I guess you could say I learned about the power of words through her silence. The simplest words like “Water,” “Sad,” and “Help” to describe her needs and emotions could make such an impact on her everyday life, but they just aren’t there for her to use, at least for right now.

I stick up for her all the time and have written many a passive-aggressive email to teachers who don’t understand that she is a human being who needs extra help sometimes. She can’t speak, but I make sure that she is spoken for.

When we go out in public, I show that I respect her, I show how much I care for her, to let people know there is nothing wrong with her even though she’s a little different. I use my body language, how I interact with my sister in social situations, to express that. I have learned that from my sister too: Body language is also a powerful thing.

I’m not afraid to talk about her, and I am definitely not ashamed of her. If you want to ask me about her, then ask me. Curiosity shows me that you care, and I respect that. After all, the only way we are ever going to make it in this world is if we at least try to understand each other. Don’t be afraid to start the conversation.

Because of my sister, I have made it one of my top goals in life to spread the message of positivity, love, and acceptance. It is something I emphasize a lot in my everyday life, on social media, and on my blog.

My blog is called the Look She Can Blog. It sounds a little cheesy, I am well aware, but I chose this because everyone and I mean everyone, has been met with criticism and has been told that there are things they can’t do. My sister deals with this kind of criticism every day; Sometimes it is only expressed through other people’s body language, but it’s there, she sees it, and it hurts.

So I named my blog for her. Why? Because I feel like her story is an epic and relatable story. It also might be a little because she’s the coolest sister ever, and I really wanted her to be a part of this, this hobby that makes me incredibly happy, but I have to emphasize again that her story is very powerful.

I relate to her story because for a long time I let a lot of people walk all over me. I take others people’s burdens and try to take all the weight on my own shoulders, sometimes it’s too much for me to handle. I don’t reach out enough sometimes, and I don’t like to talk about my feelings. There’s a lot of people in my life who don’t know how I feel. Somedays I want to completely cut myself off from the world, and a little part of me breaks when I realize I’m feeling what I know all too well as losing hope.

But I try not to let it get to me because there is so much to be hopeful about in this world. Instead, I take a break, get myself into a positive headspace, surround myself with people I love, and write something for my blog to hopefully make somebody else’s day a lot better.

Why do I do this? Well, I finally figured out that I can’t achieve my goal of spreading positivity when I’m at home, curled up in a ball, feeling sorry for myself, eating ice cream, and watching Hallmark movies with my mom.

Besides, I have never let anyone walk all over my sister and treat her like a doormat, so why should I let people do that to me? What about the other voiceless people out there, why should I let that happen to anybody? I have to speak up somehow for the people who have been labeled as less than by their peers because unfortunately, I am too familiar with what that feels like.

I have never understood why people like to tear others down. If you hurt someone’s feelings, it’s probably because you are trying to fill some kind of hole in your heart, and you think by breaking down someone else it will somehow fill you up, but it only leaves you feeling more empty than before. Why do that when you can make someone else feel good, which then has the power to make you feel good almost by default? What is even the point of being mean?

I’m sure people have their reasons, but I am convinced I won’t ever truly understand it. Especially online. When writing something online, you have nothing but time to come up with a good, respectful response. There’s no panicking about coming up with the perfect comeback, if it’s your turn to respond, you have all the time you need to write out what needs to be said.

There are so many beautiful, positive, and inspiring words people could use, but still, there are people who choose harsh and cruel words to have a negative impact on people instead.

I think that’s why I wanted so badly to create a positive space online, where people can read something that will make them feel good, hopefully, make them smile, or maybe learn a little more about someone who isn’t exactly like them, but is still just as important. I know not everybody here likes school, but learning something new about someone and learning about acceptance is such a beautiful thing, and I feel its power is underrated.

My blog started as a place where I wrote things just for me, things that made me happy, things that I wanted to share, but didn’t have enough confidence to. I knew it was public, but I never knew how many people would see it, who would read it, and who it would affect.

Now here I am. It’s been over a year since my blog was born, and I am here, telling you all about it, my message, my story, and my life. I never thought I would have the strength to share my little online world with my family and friends, let alone a room full of people who barely know me.

Nevertheless, I am here. Proud of the words I have written and decided to say aloud in front of you all today. I hope maybe we can all understand and try to accept each other a little better now.

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Thank you for supporting me and reading my content. I appreciate every view, every like, every share, and every comment, more than you could imagine. Because of this blog, I get to share I what I believe in. I believe in having hope, I believe that happiness is something everyone can achieve if they open their heart, and I believe that by having a positive mindset and trying your best to understand and accept others as they are, is the only way this world will ever be united. I believe that someday things will change, whether I am here to see it or not, I know someday we’ll get there.

I hope you all have a wonderful day and as always . . .

Thanks for stopping by,

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